A life that's once cheerished

I realised that I am only able to write a good essay or journal or any writings when I am all tied up with emotions.
When i come to think of it, that is like so whatever. How can I be a good writer If i only writes base on my emotions? I am envious of those people who have such a wide diversity of writing
How do they know what to write out or how to pent their emotions on in a piece of writting so beautiful that when people reads it, they get instantly absorbed into the writers world? I would really love to know how to do that.
 
Sometime, I feel that i have a thing for writting, especially when i am all tied up with emotions be it sadnessor angriness, Its like I will have alot to say or to rant out in this blog. But when I feel happy or sympathetic, I do not know how to pent out those emotions into word and that really sucks.
Knowing what to write and what not to write, or rather HOW to write makes a huge different to a good writer. For all I can say, they know how to manipulate and play with peoples feelings. And that is rather important tool to being a good writer. And I clearly do not have a cut for that.

Looking through my previous entries in my other blog, I feel that my English has been deproving ever since. I was once able to express how I feel and how i reason with things easily. But recently, I feel like there is something stuck in my brain. Something that I am not able to figure out what. Something that [yes, I am stuck again] that is stopping me from writing out how i feel.

Maybe it is just my lack of vocabulary to describe how im feeling. and this is caused by me not conversing in proper english nowadays, not reading any story books that will actually improve my english. that was how i got my b3 during O level, I managed to read ten story books in a short span of two weeks before O level, and I really do feel that my english was improved.
The way i write and construct my sentence, the way I choose a word to describe what i see or feel or whatever. I guess it is all linked to reading. and i also guess that I have to start reading and conversing in proper english if I really want to improve my current standard.

Went to watch 2012 today. It is a wonderful show about how our earth is coming to the end. I mean its the fact that dooms day going to come. We just do not know how fast it is going to happen or when it will actually happens. Nobody can predict that, really. Unless you are Him. Or maybe scientist in the future could make such predictions? well who knows.

As a child of God, I believe that I am secured a place, somewhere up there when all of this happens. And the show really makes me feel lucky and realies that I have to treasrue every moment knowing Him better and help those who have not believed in him so that they can be saved. If i were given a choice whether should I go with tehm to the spaceship and start a new life or should i just die in one of those Tsunamies, I really dont know what I will choose. But i know one thing, even though i were to die today, I know I am saved, secured a place in the heaven.
But that leads me thinking, but I have done all those depicable things, would I still be accepted in heaven?
And God told me so, Yes, I will. As long as I repent and do not repeat those sins, I will be forgiven as He is merciful.

I guess I have been involved in those humanly feeligns all these whiles that I neglected my relationship with Him. All those wordly possesiions, mans feelings will only last you this lifetime, but not for eternity.and I come to truly realise all those today as i watched the show. I gues God has really open my eyes through this show and i also realised how much i have missed HIm since the day i know him.
And i am going to promise myself and Him that I will work on this relationship i have with Him. coz, He loves me and He will always Love me. Amen.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

and, Handy is finally coming here this monday!! After such a long separation, i am finally able to see him again! and handy, if you are reading this, you better make some time to hang out with me or I m so going to chop your head off. and, I am serious =D

Why are people studying and mugging so hard just for a 5% quiz?
I seriously cant understand why.
Well maybe they are right and I am wrong.
Studying hard has caused them to have good grades
Unlike me who is still stuck at those borderline grades that cant even bring me anywhere.
Maybe I should just turn into one of them and get my high score?
that should settle every worries that one have?
Just take away all your life, and just study.
Maybe it would be simpler this way..

Sometime I do not find a paticular reason to blog.
Sometimes life is just so plain and boring
You cant just find any paticular event to blog about.
Imagine that is my life now.
Apart from CLS Club, there is nothing much going on in school.

Waiting for all my Jcs friends to finish their As
And talking about Jc.
Why didnt I stay on in CJ. I can safely bet that
my life would have been much better there, like seriously.
there is this part of me that regret so much for withdrawing from CJ
I will be finishing my tertiary education in like 2 weeks time..
isnt that fabolous.
I am jealous of all my JC friends!
They are going to enjoy life soon
while I am still stuck at this pit for another one and a half years.
What a life -.-

Anyway, I am so proud of my brother!!
He managed to catch this cute creature called chopper (from one piece)
with just one try from the UFO catcher.
and He even gave that to me and put in on my bed before i went home that night.
not only that, he has managed to catch something as big as that Scooby with just 3 tries.
I am seriously in love with him
I know its incest, but, I still love him
he has all the qualities that I would like my boyfriend to have.
Well there is always forbidden love =)
life is unfair..
and I must live with that. PERIOD.

   
                     *chopper!!                                *Scooby! (isnt it HUGE?)
I wonder how he managed to catch such huge thing with those UFO catcher! =)




Yiwens 18th bday celebration with club pp =)

EOGM meeting! with tons of Fantastic FOOD =) =)


Sometime, you have to figure out what you have done that have caused this unwanted mess =/

When you ask people to grow up, maybe you should be the one who needs to grow up first, like seriously.
Nobody is trying to insult, conclude or whatsoever
it was just merely an observation from what has happened or what is happening.
if you do not want people to even have a thought about it,
do you think you should change the way you behave?
Its all about labelling nowadays. this is what this world has become
and we must live with that, sadly.

I am not trying to label anyone here or also make some stupid conclusions or whatever
and it was just a question asked base on curiosity. and how does that turn out to be a retarded question?
a retarded question is still a question and If someone wants to conclude
why is he/she even bother to ask about it?
its kinda stupid, dont you think so?
so pls grow up, and do not ask other people to do so until you have done your part.
sidenote: I do not disrespect people and their sexual orientation
infact I have friends who are gay and they are proud of it, and so do I.
coz, I am not into labels.

I am not trying to help or side anybody whatsoever
But this kind of accusation is not valid
and maybe you have interpret it wrongly or maybe it was just a miscommunication after all.

so, CHILL PEOPLE.

 

and i suddenly am eager to blog again.
Dont know whats wrong with me seriously.
The feeling come and go.
so I am just gona summarize with pictures some of the memorable event of my life for the past few months!


in the hawker beside esplanade!


PUMPKINS! @carrefour!

not to forget dear and I spent our haloween going for trick r treat at sembawang housign estate
where all the angmoh lives!
which i find it so cool to live among them and
just one point to ponder, why are most angmoh in singapore so rich??
and I have decided to dress up for next year Halloween and go trick or treating again =)
so fun!!!
we manage to collect tons of sweets!!!
with the witch hat that jeffery sis gave us ( since we werent prepared and we din bring anything there! )

ps. the difference between chinese and angmoh is that chinese family gave one mentos, while angmoh families gave all those cool and never seen before sweets and also ex  chocolates such as MnMs, ferraro roche, willy wonka!!


the hat is almost full and it was heavy, i swear!


this is one cool car!


a pumpkin dude! and his pumpkin belly flops as he walks!


a cool house! and there are still losta cool houses with swimming pools!


dinner with dear, jenn and jeffery at the yacht club at sembawang.
with fantastic curry fish head, free flow of calamansi and free flow of live piano music =)


the amount of sweet we have collected.. grintz**

 
halloween gift from dear =)
starbucks tumbler, halloween cookie and a complimentary starbucks drink <3 <3


RRRRR the pumpkin is evil! ><

halloween this year was a simple yet wonderful one.
gota hibernate for school tomorrow. how pathetic

watched Imagine Me & You a couple of days ago...
the show stayed with me for a very long time..
I chanced upon the show while browsing through the internet for some good movies.
this movie is definitely very nice to watch.
without knowing anything about the show, i started watching
without any expectation on how the show would turn out to be
i was amazed
with the story line
with how the show was filmed
the acting which was genuine
and also the events that lead to the climax of the show...
it really makes us contemplate whether are we really sure about what we want in life?

The feeling that the show gives is very genuine.
the feeling that we cant really find in alot of normal shows.
the chemistry betweeen the two main cast was great and convincing
that i even wished they were an item in real life..
well that was what i wanted it to be
since there were so much that they have to go through before they can get together..

the shows potrays lesbianism in a totally different perspective
not those typical shows where your lust take over your body
not those typical shows which potrays aggressive love
not those typical shows where you can predict what the story about..

it is an unexpectable journey of ur life
the courage to accept the truth and not to escape from it...
i have to admit that
sometimes the connection between two women who love each other deeply
who is meant for one another
will be stronger than men and women..
more passionate
more responsible
more fullfilling
and last longer

maybe it was just how shows potray those feelings and connection...
maybe it was just me who thinks that way

well one thing i can say for sure
this is the nicest gay themed film  that i ve seen so far surpassing all other shows which is so fictional, unrealistic and agressive.
two thums up!

* i pity the guy (heck) whom sacrifices just for the happiness of rachel.. the guy is sorta cute? lol
** LENA HEADY is so totally hot!!!

I have always dreamed of this
I'll admit that there was something I missed
Wonderin' if it is for real
Every mistake, every wrong turn
Every time I lost my way
Led me to this, moment of bliss, tonight

With you, finally I can break free
With you, I saw a changing in my destiny
Dream comes true, it's so funny now that I see
How different life turned out to be

You were always by my side
That you believed in me was enough reason why
I didn't stop, didn't give up
Even if I sometimes lost hope
I did my best, and I am blessed
In life

With you, finally I can break free
With you, I saw a changing in my destiny
Dream comes true, it's so funny now that I see
How different life turned to be

Can I get any higher
Tell me, does it get any stronger?
I owe it to you, that I made it through
I never could've done it, without you

With you, I can break free, yeah
With you, I saw a changing in my destiny
Dream comes true, it's so funny now that I see
How different life turned out to be

Oh, cause of you, I saw a changing in my destiny
Dream come true, it's so funny now that I see
How different life turned out to be
I've realized that it's my destiny...

was packing up my places
since i will have a new roomate today!!

is suppose its a good thing since I can use the aircon now =)
but It poses a threat to my space in that room and my ownership in that room!
i guess there is no free lunch in this world
as i was cleaning my first row of my shelf, i came across TONS of things!!


this is my first gift from him!
i remember he gave it to me when we were studying in the tpy macdonal!


and that was the latest gift from him (the price of making me angry actually!) hahaha


a monkey trying to commit suicide?


i guess they like each other so much even though they are different in colours!


his dad wears the same watch too, different base colour only -.-


a random surprise gift from seveneleven! LOL
but i still LOVE it =)


a gift from F1


a musical tuner for valentine!


some random baloons that will never ran out of gas! =)


An excluse VInolia magazine!


Mr bao feel sorry. awwww

and many more to go!
too many and im lazy to take pictures of those!
and the upper level my shelf is full of ❤

not to forget the pink umbrella that he gave me which do not bear to use until now =p

there are just so many things that reminded me of you
and i want those things to keep increasing
till even the slightest air i breath
will remind me of you...
thank you for everything
and ❤ u....

finally, here comes picture of the day!

Do you know what's worth fighting for,
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins.

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins.

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire?
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins.

Yes, I am in ruins and I know that.

I came to realise that winning isnt that important and that glorified
it is the fun that you have had and the friendship you have made that matters
well at least that is to me..
last but not least, i can get closer to the 3 girls!
shena, huxian and abigail!
and i will definitely miss them in times to come
really hope we can all meet up some other days
and just played like how we played after the match!
it was just so fun....

btw the guys were great! and the girls felt so useless
just doing nth actually! so we have to depend on them alot!
THANKS GUYS =)

and i got my first silver medal!

 

I have gotten alot of medal for alot of things
like english competition, abacus, malay competitions and so on
but this is my first ever SPORTS medal! hahah
and thus by getting this i am more determined to do more sports!
and to excel in one of them at least
a new goal in life!
a little too much to ask?

and im just so tired of this fucking shits
and i tell you what, i am moving on.

I was just so drawn to my past year in SP where i have so much good memories
about the people in CLS, in my camp where i got to know baoren
in my class, and so on.
its a memory that i will want to retain in that little corner inside that tiny brain of mine.
a memory that always reminds me that schooling was fun and less complicated.
a memory whereby i can always remember that i once look good.
well good in a way, slimmer, nicer hair and everything else about me was better last time
less complicated, less stress

I wonder what had happen to me all these whiles
i have turn into someone who is beyond recognition
by myself or others.
I have turn into someone who is so incapable of doing things
i have turn into someone who fails to do things in a proper way
i have failed myself.

how i wish i could return back all those happy moments i ve once experienced.
how i wish i could return back to my old self
how i wish i could turn back the time and re-live those moments of my life ( in SP)

   

I have evolved into someone rounder, fatter, curly hair, and whatever u could describe me as now...
its horrifying to see me evolved into this stage.

I was close to some of the people earlier last year when sch just started
but i guess as we progress forward
we have met better friends, move into different classes and so on...
but seriously, i do miss those people that were once close to me....
but what todo? this is life and you gotta move forward and
follow the pace and beat of life to move on...
it is just like how much i miss my secondary sch friends and how much i would like to be with them everyday.
but..
the fact is all of us are in different school and courses
having mix with different friends.
and life is just gona move on no matter how much we miss one another.



the first few international friends that ive made in SP tru ISC camp
one of them is kwi shan
i remember how happy and excited we were
when we realise that we are going to be classmates!!
and we were once lab partners too!
the screwed up practicals that we both did.
the report that we printed all over the paper...
but that is sth of a past now...
we are not that close anymore..
and both of us have found a better circle of friends =)
but i do miss her sometimes!

and another one is pei xuan! aka sex you!
lol one funny and good friend i ve once made too
i guess our busyness drifted us alot
and all those times we have spend tgt as close friends,
i will always remember it!
like those times in crystal jade, etc etc!
just hope that we will have chance to hang out again..
well i will keep my fingers crossed.



well, certainly we look happy, dont we?
is it just a thing of the past?
well maybe i guess so...
maybe we have moved on into the next phase of our lives and our circle of friends
maybe we have done what is best to be done
maybe we have made a right decision that is best for all of us..
but they were the first few friends that ive made in my class.
and i cant deny that, can i?
i just hope that all of us can be as happy as we were last time



i certainly miss him!
all those shits that we have once said and do to each other
all those fun times we have once had
that night at the airport!
was so fun that i totally enjoyed myself so much!
but, i hope
even though we have found our partner now,
we can still be as good friend as last time!
at least a poking friend =p

well that pretty summarise all my feelings now.
those that have mounted up for so long
yet i didnt realise it has been inside me
until i look tru all the pictures
that reminds me of my past..........
although somethings are safer to be kept than spilled
but most of those are up there
and i really feel so much better now.....


i have found myself new goals!
a goal to bring back myself to my old self
a slimmer, smarter, cheerful, obedient, hardworking, religious person...
an even better person than last time
to make myself, my friends, my parents and God proud!

dear God, thank you for giving me strength all these whiles to carry on with my life
to let me find new hope and motivation in my life
to let me know the importance of being myself in life
to let me know how much U matters to me
to let me have a chance to change myself, change my path of life Lord
into the way you want me to be,...

in jesus name,
Amen
 

being pissed at someone for a stupid reason is so not cool.
what more gossiping about it behind that someones back.
maybe some of you think that is the right thing todo
but wtf. if your pissed with that somebody
cant u just tell straight to the person
instead of gossiping behind his/her back.
and let the gossip reaches the subjects ear.
what will that subject feel?
i m not referring to anybody in paticular
but yes i am writing this
cause something similar to this has happen before
and i find it so stupidly childish

i am writing all these shits down
because i can tolerate no more
it has been this way for so fucking long
and none of this shit is changing.
well
actually, i am getting use to this already.
and i no longer care so much
like i used to last time
nothing is gained
nothing is lost
period.

here it comes,
the big day..
is my ankle up to it?

well the part II for tyty birthday was over!
when others cringe, we eat and laugh the night away=)

PICTURES!!

sadly, we only have 1 grp pic! ( without nina )
welll maybe coz we had too much fun to even waste time taking pictures =p




scandals!

cant believe it that three of us fall for the same guy.

i am contemplating whether should i participate in the captainball competiion
knowing that there is a chance that i might injure my healing ankle
and jeopardizing my teams performance
we have come so far as a team
i really want to be able to play as a team
to enjoy the competition
to achieve what we are suppose to
to have fun
well our motto is:  when all else fail, have fun!

yet there is sth holding me back
should i jeopardize my own team?
should i hold them back for what they can achieve?
should i even play?

i know i am not very good in that game.
but i have been trying so hard to improve
and yet when i am improving
i have to fall and break my ankle......

i dont think you do care about what happen
well let it be that way then
it will be much better for all of us
life will just go on
and i will just have to move on

met tyty after school at sch bustop
we were suppose to go town to celebrate her bday part1
claire came after that and we ate at spaggedis (or however it is spelled)
biyang came after we finished our food! 
so smart of him -.-
and he has slim down alot! OMG
and i cant help but to grope his butt and molest him all over!
considering i haven seen him for like eons.
and he definitely looks gay-er now!

 Picture of the day!

*sorry biyang for torturing u emotionally (gay pics) and physically (groping ++ )

sadly that is all the pics i have got today
since nobody brought camera! and my hp camera sucks core
well, but it was hell fun talking to them considering that i haven engage myself in such convos for years!
feel so good to be able to meet up with them again! talked about all the shits that we can think of!

went to Orchard ION after that
and guess what, today was my first time there!
i looked so lost admist of those flow of people inside!
went to *bluberyy! mui mui, and etc.
well at the blubery shop, i saw emma watson pictures everywhere pasted on the wall.
she is like the GIRL of bluberyy now.
as much as i dont like her,
i cant deny that she is hot in those photos.

trained home after that, instead of bussed.
its like, there are so much thing
i have yet to share and tell them
and it sems that time had passed quadrupply fast today!

quoted from Claires LJ:

ANYWAY! MORE! ABOUT! TODAY!
UPTOWN SHOPPING! SHOES! BAGS! SEXUAL HARASSMENT! PIZZA! OVERPRICED ICED TEH SI! GORY STORIES! GAY GUYS! SEMI-FAMOUS PEOPLE!
TODAY HAD IT ALL!


took this in one of the cubicle in IONs toilet!

last but not least,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TYTY!!!!!
and i shall see u for part 2!! be prepared!!!!!!

new blog skin, new beginning?
that is what i always tell myself everyting after abandoning my blog for weeks and when i decide to come back to blogging.
well i hope this time round i would be able to update constantly
and constantly learning and improving the standard of my english.
which is deproving like a logarithm graph =/

life is getting into my nerves recently.
no matter what i do
i bet nothing good comes out of it
and i am just getting very tired
facing the same old shit every single day
and with new problems that came out of those shits...
maybe sometime those shits that are the one that keeps u moving day by day
not knowing what is lying ahead of us..
this is life, i suppose?

i guess this journal will be a selfish one
it will be all about myself and myself
and my depression
and my joy
and my happiness
and my sorrow
and my story of my life....


27-07-2009 My brothers birthday.-

"Eyes are blind. You have to look with your heart. What's most important is invisible."

PEANUT BUTTER BANANA!

the service yesterday was great!
i felt Gods love so strong for the first time
that i started to tear
and prayed in tongue.
the desire to just pray in tongue and not to stop..

I ve never feel that way before
Thank God for showing your presence to me
for showing your love
for showing your care to me...

Friday night was a great night of just hanging out with my homies.
they are still as crazy as ever
it just feel like your with friends!
the feeling that i ve been longing to feel
since the last time we have met!
we went crazy under the moonlight
while waiting for NINA who took 1 bloody hours to finish her debriefing!

and for her show,
it was good! even though some parts were boring
some were just crazy!
like how we wanted nina to be the pontianak
and Ohmygod she appeared as a pontianak!
tyty farah and I were like SPEECHLESS for that second
and all i could do from that point onwards was to laugh
and laugh and laugh non stop!
So hillarious can! ;)

had supper at HANS in holland village!
Graceys chocolate banana was orgasmic, esp the chocolate!
but to her, the secret recepie is still better.
well, compare the price!
it was damn bloody cheap compared to SR lah
bused home with farah =)

but we didnt take any pictures =(
who cares, as long as we enjoyed ourselves

 

has been very very busy these few days.

FRIDAY
went to catch angel and demon with dear before rushing off for prayer meeting in suntec
it was awesome!
for some reason i felt so tired after the movie and wasnt in a good mood.
the first hour of the prayer session was fruitful, but when it comes to the last half and hour i was SO tired until i couldnt even stand and pray properly. my mind was distracted by my physical condition.

SATURDAY
stayed home the whole day.
was fcking pissed at the clinical chem tutorial
was doing from 11-6 and i was not even fucking 1/4 there yet
but lucky dear reached my place already
and i had to go down to prepare with him and his sis and mom
my mood that day had never been any better




dear stayed over at my place in the end =)
haha played truth or dare
woke up at 11 the next day
rot at home with dear till ard 2
then he went back to prepare for work
and i went to orchard!!
to do some shopping and went to novena zoo.
since my student was sick, and while waiting for her to go doctor
i learnt to played progression of chords
for the chorus Shout to the Lord!!
YAY =)

watched friday the 13th today!!!
5pairs of boobs, 2 sex scenes
3times of covering my ears
tons of times of being high with jessica
which we ended up laughing like mad
Jared padalecki was EFFING HOT
and i protect him from the cinema
so in the end he survived =p
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
and one new word learnt!
PING PANG POP!

Jovina Liong :
stupiddd leader
Vinolia Sim :
yda stupiddd dehh
Jovina Liong :
this is the reason we love you!

i miss them so much.
they are the people that has known me for over 10 years.
they are the people that motivates me to go back to medan.
they are the people that had so much fun with me
they are the people that i spent my primary sch years with
they are the people that i made stupid videos with
they are the people that treasure friendship
they are the people that always remember me ( even though i am not there )
they are CHAYEMBA