A life that's once cheerished

Those times
When i used to like you so much
When I used to think about you everyday
Why don't I feel it anymore?

Has the feeling fade away
When it is not supposed to be
Coz when I fell for you
Thats when I feel alive

Now you're here
But it doesn't matter anymore
I am changing, my heart is
But I'm still keeping you here

I want it back
My old heart, my old flame
The one that was stolen by you
Please return it to me

Lets start all over again
Back to where we first begin
Before that accident took my heart away
Back to where it started...

Trying hard to ignore its existence
I live my life to the fullest,with or without you.
I miss seeing you everyday
I really do.

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind...For me it happens all the time.
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.

I realised that I am only able to write a good essay or journal or any writings when I am all tied up with emotions.
When i come to think of it, that is like so whatever. How can I be a good writer If i only writes base on my emotions? I am envious of those people who have such a wide diversity of writing
How do they know what to write out or how to pent their emotions on in a piece of writting so beautiful that when people reads it, they get instantly absorbed into the writers world? I would really love to know how to do that.
 
Sometime, I feel that i have a thing for writting, especially when i am all tied up with emotions be it sadnessor angriness, Its like I will have alot to say or to rant out in this blog. But when I feel happy or sympathetic, I do not know how to pent out those emotions into word and that really sucks.
Knowing what to write and what not to write, or rather HOW to write makes a huge different to a good writer. For all I can say, they know how to manipulate and play with peoples feelings. And that is rather important tool to being a good writer. And I clearly do not have a cut for that.

Looking through my previous entries in my other blog, I feel that my English has been deproving ever since. I was once able to express how I feel and how i reason with things easily. But recently, I feel like there is something stuck in my brain. Something that I am not able to figure out what. Something that [yes, I am stuck again] that is stopping me from writing out how i feel.

Maybe it is just my lack of vocabulary to describe how im feeling. and this is caused by me not conversing in proper english nowadays, not reading any story books that will actually improve my english. that was how i got my b3 during O level, I managed to read ten story books in a short span of two weeks before O level, and I really do feel that my english was improved.
The way i write and construct my sentence, the way I choose a word to describe what i see or feel or whatever. I guess it is all linked to reading. and i also guess that I have to start reading and conversing in proper english if I really want to improve my current standard.

Went to watch 2012 today. It is a wonderful show about how our earth is coming to the end. I mean its the fact that dooms day going to come. We just do not know how fast it is going to happen or when it will actually happens. Nobody can predict that, really. Unless you are Him. Or maybe scientist in the future could make such predictions? well who knows.

As a child of God, I believe that I am secured a place, somewhere up there when all of this happens. And the show really makes me feel lucky and realies that I have to treasrue every moment knowing Him better and help those who have not believed in him so that they can be saved. If i were given a choice whether should I go with tehm to the spaceship and start a new life or should i just die in one of those Tsunamies, I really dont know what I will choose. But i know one thing, even though i were to die today, I know I am saved, secured a place in the heaven.
But that leads me thinking, but I have done all those depicable things, would I still be accepted in heaven?
And God told me so, Yes, I will. As long as I repent and do not repeat those sins, I will be forgiven as He is merciful.

I guess I have been involved in those humanly feeligns all these whiles that I neglected my relationship with Him. All those wordly possesiions, mans feelings will only last you this lifetime, but not for eternity.and I come to truly realise all those today as i watched the show. I gues God has really open my eyes through this show and i also realised how much i have missed HIm since the day i know him.
And i am going to promise myself and Him that I will work on this relationship i have with Him. coz, He loves me and He will always Love me. Amen.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

and, Handy is finally coming here this monday!! After such a long separation, i am finally able to see him again! and handy, if you are reading this, you better make some time to hang out with me or I m so going to chop your head off. and, I am serious =D

Why are people studying and mugging so hard just for a 5% quiz?
I seriously cant understand why.
Well maybe they are right and I am wrong.
Studying hard has caused them to have good grades
Unlike me who is still stuck at those borderline grades that cant even bring me anywhere.
Maybe I should just turn into one of them and get my high score?
that should settle every worries that one have?
Just take away all your life, and just study.
Maybe it would be simpler this way..

Sometime I do not find a paticular reason to blog.
Sometimes life is just so plain and boring
You cant just find any paticular event to blog about.
Imagine that is my life now.
Apart from CLS Club, there is nothing much going on in school.

Waiting for all my Jcs friends to finish their As
And talking about Jc.
Why didnt I stay on in CJ. I can safely bet that
my life would have been much better there, like seriously.
there is this part of me that regret so much for withdrawing from CJ
I will be finishing my tertiary education in like 2 weeks time..
isnt that fabolous.
I am jealous of all my JC friends!
They are going to enjoy life soon
while I am still stuck at this pit for another one and a half years.
What a life -.-

Anyway, I am so proud of my brother!!
He managed to catch this cute creature called chopper (from one piece)
with just one try from the UFO catcher.
and He even gave that to me and put in on my bed before i went home that night.
not only that, he has managed to catch something as big as that Scooby with just 3 tries.
I am seriously in love with him
I know its incest, but, I still love him
he has all the qualities that I would like my boyfriend to have.
Well there is always forbidden love =)
life is unfair..
and I must live with that. PERIOD.

   
                     *chopper!!                                *Scooby! (isnt it HUGE?)
I wonder how he managed to catch such huge thing with those UFO catcher! =)




Yiwens 18th bday celebration with club pp =)

EOGM meeting! with tons of Fantastic FOOD =) =)


Sometime, you have to figure out what you have done that have caused this unwanted mess =/

When you ask people to grow up, maybe you should be the one who needs to grow up first, like seriously.
Nobody is trying to insult, conclude or whatsoever
it was just merely an observation from what has happened or what is happening.
if you do not want people to even have a thought about it,
do you think you should change the way you behave?
Its all about labelling nowadays. this is what this world has become
and we must live with that, sadly.

I am not trying to label anyone here or also make some stupid conclusions or whatever
and it was just a question asked base on curiosity. and how does that turn out to be a retarded question?
a retarded question is still a question and If someone wants to conclude
why is he/she even bother to ask about it?
its kinda stupid, dont you think so?
so pls grow up, and do not ask other people to do so until you have done your part.
sidenote: I do not disrespect people and their sexual orientation
infact I have friends who are gay and they are proud of it, and so do I.
coz, I am not into labels.

I am not trying to help or side anybody whatsoever
But this kind of accusation is not valid
and maybe you have interpret it wrongly or maybe it was just a miscommunication after all.

so, CHILL PEOPLE.

 

and i suddenly am eager to blog again.
Dont know whats wrong with me seriously.
The feeling come and go.
so I am just gona summarize with pictures some of the memorable event of my life for the past few months!


in the hawker beside esplanade!


PUMPKINS! @carrefour!

not to forget dear and I spent our haloween going for trick r treat at sembawang housign estate
where all the angmoh lives!
which i find it so cool to live among them and
just one point to ponder, why are most angmoh in singapore so rich??
and I have decided to dress up for next year Halloween and go trick or treating again =)
so fun!!!
we manage to collect tons of sweets!!!
with the witch hat that jeffery sis gave us ( since we werent prepared and we din bring anything there! )

ps. the difference between chinese and angmoh is that chinese family gave one mentos, while angmoh families gave all those cool and never seen before sweets and also ex  chocolates such as MnMs, ferraro roche, willy wonka!!


the hat is almost full and it was heavy, i swear!


this is one cool car!


a pumpkin dude! and his pumpkin belly flops as he walks!


a cool house! and there are still losta cool houses with swimming pools!


dinner with dear, jenn and jeffery at the yacht club at sembawang.
with fantastic curry fish head, free flow of calamansi and free flow of live piano music =)


the amount of sweet we have collected.. grintz**

 
halloween gift from dear =)
starbucks tumbler, halloween cookie and a complimentary starbucks drink <3 <3


RRRRR the pumpkin is evil! ><

halloween this year was a simple yet wonderful one.
gota hibernate for school tomorrow. how pathetic

watched Imagine Me & You a couple of days ago...
the show stayed with me for a very long time..
I chanced upon the show while browsing through the internet for some good movies.
this movie is definitely very nice to watch.
without knowing anything about the show, i started watching
without any expectation on how the show would turn out to be
i was amazed
with the story line
with how the show was filmed
the acting which was genuine
and also the events that lead to the climax of the show...
it really makes us contemplate whether are we really sure about what we want in life?

The feeling that the show gives is very genuine.
the feeling that we cant really find in alot of normal shows.
the chemistry betweeen the two main cast was great and convincing
that i even wished they were an item in real life..
well that was what i wanted it to be
since there were so much that they have to go through before they can get together..

the shows potrays lesbianism in a totally different perspective
not those typical shows where your lust take over your body
not those typical shows which potrays aggressive love
not those typical shows where you can predict what the story about..

it is an unexpectable journey of ur life
the courage to accept the truth and not to escape from it...
i have to admit that
sometimes the connection between two women who love each other deeply
who is meant for one another
will be stronger than men and women..
more passionate
more responsible
more fullfilling
and last longer

maybe it was just how shows potray those feelings and connection...
maybe it was just me who thinks that way

well one thing i can say for sure
this is the nicest gay themed film  that i ve seen so far surpassing all other shows which is so fictional, unrealistic and agressive.
two thums up!

* i pity the guy (heck) whom sacrifices just for the happiness of rachel.. the guy is sorta cute? lol
** LENA HEADY is so totally hot!!!

I have always dreamed of this
I'll admit that there was something I missed
Wonderin' if it is for real
Every mistake, every wrong turn
Every time I lost my way
Led me to this, moment of bliss, tonight

With you, finally I can break free
With you, I saw a changing in my destiny
Dream comes true, it's so funny now that I see
How different life turned out to be

You were always by my side
That you believed in me was enough reason why
I didn't stop, didn't give up
Even if I sometimes lost hope
I did my best, and I am blessed
In life

With you, finally I can break free
With you, I saw a changing in my destiny
Dream comes true, it's so funny now that I see
How different life turned to be

Can I get any higher
Tell me, does it get any stronger?
I owe it to you, that I made it through
I never could've done it, without you

With you, I can break free, yeah
With you, I saw a changing in my destiny
Dream comes true, it's so funny now that I see
How different life turned out to be

Oh, cause of you, I saw a changing in my destiny
Dream come true, it's so funny now that I see
How different life turned out to be
I've realized that it's my destiny...

was packing up my places
since i will have a new roomate today!!

is suppose its a good thing since I can use the aircon now =)
but It poses a threat to my space in that room and my ownership in that room!
i guess there is no free lunch in this world
as i was cleaning my first row of my shelf, i came across TONS of things!!


this is my first gift from him!
i remember he gave it to me when we were studying in the tpy macdonal!


and that was the latest gift from him (the price of making me angry actually!) hahaha


a monkey trying to commit suicide?


i guess they like each other so much even though they are different in colours!


his dad wears the same watch too, different base colour only -.-


a random surprise gift from seveneleven! LOL
but i still LOVE it =)


a gift from F1


a musical tuner for valentine!


some random baloons that will never ran out of gas! =)


An excluse VInolia magazine!


Mr bao feel sorry. awwww

and many more to go!
too many and im lazy to take pictures of those!
and the upper level my shelf is full of ❤

not to forget the pink umbrella that he gave me which do not bear to use until now =p

there are just so many things that reminded me of you
and i want those things to keep increasing
till even the slightest air i breath
will remind me of you...
thank you for everything
and ❤ u....

finally, here comes picture of the day!

Do you know what's worth fighting for,
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins.

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins.

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire?
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins.

Yes, I am in ruins and I know that.